After all, if you are going to scrutinize my life for incongruities (real or imagined) and gleefully submit them as "evidence" that I am a total asshole, then it's only fair that I should be able to do the same to you. Individuals too cowardly to share with us their true identities, will not be permitted to use this blog as a vehicle from which to launch their personal vendettas.
If you still feel the overwhelming need to trash someone from the safety of anonymity, may I suggest that you get a paper bag and cut two eye holes out of it, put it over your head (make sure the eye holes are actually where your eyes are!), face a mirror and tell the person you see in the mirror what a mean-spirited coward they are. This will serve two very useful purposes: it will allow you to work out some of that bile that you pack around with you (it can't be very good for your health) and you'll be trashing someone who really deserves it.
6 comments:
I tried the paper bag idea. It worked pretty good.
Mr. Hockey -
Assuming you're local, I thought you might actually be interested in the hockey-themed movie series ("Hockey Nights in Canada") coming up at the Vancouver International Film Centre, aka. the Vancity Theatre, at Seymour and Davie. Starts with SLAP SHOT on March 9th:
http://www.viff.org/tixSYS/vifc/filmguide/schedule-list.php?Day=09&Month=03&Year=2009&Venue=ALL&Category=ALL
Then there's THE CHIEFS, PERFECTLY NORMAL, PAPERBACK HERO, GROSS MISCONDUCT, COWARDS BEND THE KNEE, HOME GAME, JUNIOR, HAPPY GILMORE, SUDDEN DEATH, THE ROCKET... some repeats, series finishes March 20th.
I am not now, nor have I ever, been anonymous. Except during phone sex: that I understand.
I began writing much more after adopting the alter ego of Mr. Beer N. Hockey pretty much by accident over three years ago. Having another name, like the old punk crowd was fond of, sets you free, don't you think? Beer has written close to million words, made a few people laugh, including himself and is having one fuck of a good time.
Haven't seen Slapsot on the big screen since DOA screened it at the Commodore one night.
Hey,
you owe me $15 and still haven't replaced rear-view mirror on my tractor.
WTF?
Signed,
True Squzzum
Hey Mr. Beer N. Hockey, I tried the paper bag idea as well. I actually thought I looked a lot better with it on. I wasn't going to say anything about it, but seeing as how you're being so frank here I thought I might as well be too.
And keeping in the spirit of frankness Ammacinn, I must admit, I think Slap Shot is a great movie, even though I find hockey only mildly more entertaining than counting beer bellies at a truckers convention.
Now True Spuzzum, I thought we had settled that $15 debt sometime ago. As I recall, we agreed that if I could accurately guess how many dingle berries you were sporting at the time, I would be free from the debt. As you well know, I accurately guessed 5 and as a result, the debt is null and void. As for the tractor mirror, I'll replace it just as soon as you replace the prayer flags over my liquor cabinet that you set on fire with that weird fart joke you do. WTF indeed!
So that's the way you want to be. Not only do you know nothing about architecture (your comment about UBC's buildings being superior to SFU's--may Arthur Erikson rest in piece--not only was he gifted, he helped my stock options in concrete soar like his office towers) you know nothing about farming. You truly are useless (notice I spell it in lower case). I will never lend you another inflatable doll again and I don't care about your needs.
T.S.
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